I sometimes worry that my blog is not focused enough. Really successful bloggers seem to settle on one issue and talk about that. I’m all over the place.
I also worry that my business endeavors are not focused enough. Novel writing, piano performance (jazz, classical, rock), Feldenkrais lessons…what the heck? Which way is up?
Perhaps not coincidentally, I also have trouble focusing my eyes. Over the last seven years I have found myself seeing double images of traffic lights, and I can’t always read street signs as easily as I’d like. But some weeks are better than others, and occasionally my vision clears dramatically.
If you’ve read my articles, you know that when I improved my depth perception I became able to think more clearly and for longer periods of time. I’m hoping that, by learning how to find focus in my eyes, I can transfer that focus to my work. So what have I learned about seeing?
Sometimes, by making whatever effort I think will help me see, I just exacerbate the very posture and behavior that got me into this blur in the first place. It helps to give up my previous idea of what seeing means and really look at things, get interested in their shape, the space around them, their color. I also usually see better when I can quiet myself, sense the smallest possible movements in my eyes so that they can move where they need to go, and compare the orientation of the image in front of me to the location of the back of my head.
Sometimes one of my eyes gets clear and the other doesn’t, and I wonder why. The more I “try to understand” with what I think I know, the less sense it seems to make. If I seek to hold on to the experience, I get uncomfortable and tired until I have to let it go.
If there really is an analogy between my eyes and my blog, my business, and my life, then trying too hard to focus will not bring me the results I’m seeking. I might keep to a single topic for a while, but that wouldn’t mean my results would be clear. They might be singular and blurry.
On the other hand, if I were to open myself up, spend my time sensing instead of expecting a particular experience, making sure I could move freely in any direction, those same results might come into sharp relief. It’s a tempting idea. But what about results?
In the end, it’s the results that clue me in. If the image is clear, something’s working. If it’s not, something’s amiss.
The point is that trying to fix the blurred image isn’t always the best direction. It’s better to recognize what kind of effort is necessary, if any. Sometimes you’re already home and any direction is the wrong one.